F**K OFF, Valentine’s Day

(10:21:05 AM) Me: HAPPY SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE FACE DAY!!!!
(10:21:36 AM) Me: what time do you plan on performing your overly dramatic, some might even say “romantic”, suicide?
(10:21:54 AM) Me: I’m shooting for like 9ish off the Brooklyn Bridge
(10:22:23 AM) Female Friend: oh…..i think (Fill in this spot with some dude’s name, as to protect identities) and i are doing something….
(10:22:29 AM) Female Friend: haha SO I’LL JOIN YOU
(10:22:30 AM) Me: LOL
(10:22:51 AM) Female Friend: wsburg bridge tho. we’re going out in style.
(10:23:16 AM) Me: but…. I made reservations for the Brooklyn Bridge MONTHS in advance!
(10:23:38 AM) Female Friend: lolll with whom?
(10:23:50 AM) Me: opensuicidetable.com?

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